Pancakes and Porn Stars (Written by Suz.)

So a good friend of mine (for privacy's sake we'll call her Karen) showed me some ultra-sexy pictures of herself that she wants to send to her boyfriend.  I'm not some sort of porn expert, and Karen isn't my secret  lesbian lover.  She just wanted a close friend's approval before she deemed them worthy of cyber-space.

These days, sending sexy pictures seems to be the newest controversial issue.  Due to a plethora of hormonal teenagers sending out pictures of their B-cups/junk, MTV has launched an "anti-sexting" campaign.  But as for adults, it is up to the woman (or sometimes the man) to decide whether or not they want to "put themselves out there" like that.

Let me tell you, I've had my run with dirty pictures.  It did not have a happy ending.  (Well, unless you count when the guy... and then... yeah.  Okay.)

First, I sent my best shot to my close friend... we'll call her Janet. I didn't realize at the time that because Janet's parents were basically putting her on lockdown due to some trouble she got into in college, all of her texts were forwarded to her dad's phone.

REPEAT.
Her texts.  Were forwarded.  To her dad's phone. 

So I sent Janet's dad a half naked picture of myself.** The next time I visited her family, it was an incredibly awkward experience for all three of us.  Nothing spices up a family spaghetti dinner like knowing that your best friend's dad has seen you in your lacy peach boy shorts.

But after Janet (and her dad) inspected my modeling skills, I went ahead and sent the picture to the guy I was dating at the time (we'll call him The Bum, for privacy's sake).  Fortunately, it didn't turn out like some of the horror stories where the girl breaks up with her boyfriend and he sends a controversial picture of her to everyone he knows, ruining her future career forever.  Eventually the image was deleted from both of our phones.

But I didn't get off that easy (although The Bum probably had no trouble getting off).  Basically every day after I sent that picture, he would text me asking for another picture.  Every.  Single.  Day.  He would even make requests.  "This time show your ass!  Could you bend over for me?"  Do you have any idea what it's like to be a girl coming home from a long day serving pancakes and scrambled eggs (I was a pancake house waitress) to large families with screaming children, your hair a mess and your polyester uniform covered in butter and powdered sugar, and then have your idiot boyfriend get all up in your asshole about sending him softcore porn?  It's annoying.  Really annoying.  Annoying enough to warrant a run-on sentence.

So in my opinion, if you're a woman and you're thinking about sending a dirty picture, you might want to just call the guy up and invite him over to witness the real deal.

Oh, and if you're a man thinking about sending a dirty picture, 9 times out of 10 the girl is giggling on the bed with her 3 best friends squealing, "OMG I think he's really going to do it!  OMG he did it!  IT'S A PENIS!"  ....So that's probably not the best idea either.  Either way, though I'm not an expert on the subject by any means, in my experience the consequences just aren't worth the action.

And for the love of all that is holy, don't do this.


**For my reputation's sake, I'd like to clarify that the picture I sent was dirty but didn't show any obscene body parts.  Strictly PG-13.  My judgement isn't THAT poor.