Girls are just, like, too much drama, ya know?

Another pet peeve of mine came to mind today:  The girl who collects "guy friends."  This came to mind while watching Big Bang Theory, one of my many guilty pleasures.  It's about a ragtag group of supernerds who live next door to the lovably girly and undeniably hot Penny.  Penny, fortunately, must be an endearing character and therefore is not a "man collector," but it is so within her capabilities that it made me think of the concept regardless.

Man collectors are girls who are usually semi to extremely attractive, rock the "easygoing girl next door" persona, and have a natural charm to them that makes them appeal to multiple types of men.  Maybe you're a girl and you have a friend like this.  Maybe you're a guy and you're part of a girl's "collection."  Maybe you're a man collector yourself.  But we all know that there are some girls out there who "like, only get along with guys.  It's like, so weird.  Girls are too much drama." 

This is bullshit.  Unless you enjoy having sex with girls, there is no way you will ever be "one of the guys."  Maybe girls are too much drama because you're a bitch.  Or actually, you're probably one of those girls who likes to subtly move in on another girl's boyfriend, playing the "comforting friend who listens to your problems but in actuality, you would have sex with them in a heartbeat" role. That's why you don't get along with girls, dumbass.

Maybe you're reading this and thinking, "But I love my guy friends!"  That's good.  I am happy for you.  I have a handful of really great guy friends, and sometimes it's easier for me to get along with guys anyways.  I had a better relationship with my dad than with my mom, so I'll attribute it to that.  But when I turned 18, I noticed my guy friend count thinning out.  That's because I was of the age where I slowly realized that many of my "buddies" actually just wanted to bone, and that's half the reason they were so nice.

So if you're a girl, and you're over 18 (you get a pass if you're still in grade school), take a look at your relationships with these so called "guy friends."  Do you go to them for favors more often than your female friends?  Are they more likely to do you a favor than your female friends?  Do you complain to them about your boy problems as they gently console you by saying, "Any guy would be happy to have sex with you?"  Do they want to have sex with you?  Do you subtly cocktease the shit out of them? 

If the answer is yes, you might be a man collector.  Nice going, you manipulative bitch. 

-Suz