Today I'm going to stray from my usual boys and farting themes and write an entry about something different. Girls. My own kind. The fairer sex. Whatever. But before I even get started , I'm going to go ahead and include a disclaimer: I realize that the behavior I'm about to describe does NOT apply to all women. Repeat, I realize it does not apply to all women. But I'm going to write it as if it does and use a ton of generalizations because it's more fun for me that way.
What is The Game?
Here's the thing: Girls HATE each other. They do. Why else would they walk into a bar or a club, see another girl that they don't even know, and exclaim, "Wow, what a slut!" They don't even have to speak to another girl before the hate begins.
Girls hate each other because they're all in a huge ruthless competition for men. It's an ongoing game, and every girl is a player. They know that in order to obtain the most valuable male specimen, they must first prove themselves prettier, smarter, prettier, more successful, prettier, more likeable, and most importantly, prettier than the other girls. So they furiously tear down any girl who appears to be a threat.
What are the teams in The Game?
Now you could say, "Wait Suz! Girls have friends! They can't hate their friends!" FALSE. Girls do not have friends. Girls have teams. They form these teams in order to more efficiently obtain men. The teams are formed based on similar appearances and personalities (much in the same way leagues are formed) to ensure that no member of the team is attracting sub-par men. At the same time, however, each girl on the team performs a different function. For example, a highly functional team would consist of four girls, all sevens. One curvy, one skinny, one slutty, and one girl next door. The team members can easily cooperate as long as they remain in their designated categories. If the girl next door starts to become promiscuous, she and the slutty one can no longer be allies. They must immediately begin to hate each other. The teams will go to mating grounds (bars, clubs, social gatherings, etc...) together and wait for potential mates, using any spare time to point out flaws in other nearby teams.
How long does each round last?
Sometimes the competition is short and repetitive, such as one night stands or fuck buddies. Other times the competition leads to long term relationships. Obtaining a long term relationship does not guarantee a win. The competition continues regardless. While some girls consider respecting a relationship to be a rule of the game, most do not. In fact, many girls consider sleeping with someone else's boyfriend a double win and brag of their success. Girls with boyfriends use logic and rationality to fight back against these "homewreckers" by becoming possessive, jealous, distrusting, and even more hateful.
How do you quit The Game?
Some girls eventually attempt to quit The Game. They can't handle the pressure of having to find and maintain relations with a valuable male specimen, so they settle for one several leagues below their own, such as a girl who is a seven dating a two. This will often secure a relationship, as no logical man would trade a seven for a two. It doesn't always work though, because men can be stupid and illogical.
Why The Game sucks:
The Game sucks because it's fucking stressful. Instead of calmly waiting for a man (who is out there hunting to begin with) to make his way over to her, a girl finds it necessary to insult and ostracize anyone who could be considered a threat. As if life isn't difficult enough without turning romantic relations into a massive battlefield...
How to win The Game:
You can't win The Game. No one ever wins The Game
